When I was first asked to contribute to a podcast on Divine Mercy, my first thought was, “How on earth would my experience fit today since my original encounter with Divine Mercy was over 26 years ago? But then keeping up with the news, I kept reading over and over again 2 words that we are feeling in these Corona-virus days: ANXIETY and INSECURITY! “People feel helpless!”  So, it turns out that my story and its message are particularly relevant today in this plague which we find ourselves and our entire world. For the most part, we are in a global state of constant FEAR! Fear of the unknown and even fear of the known. We know that people are suffering, and we know people are dying – up close and personal. And we don’t know if we will find ourselves or our loved ones listed as a statistic. Will we get it? Will we heal from it? When will this go away?!

I’ve been actually shocked about how much calm I feel during all this as I’m not really a calm person. But that this is the case is because this all-encompassing fear of the known, and unknown for me, is something I lived for the first time 25 years ago, when I was a young mother of 4 under the age of 7. That’s where my story and realization of God’s Divine Mercy began for me. It came unexpectedly, as I was engulfed personally in anxiety and insecurity, but even worse than the fear, was the excruciating pain that affected every part of my body – and for all practical purposes, like the Coronavirus, it came out of the clear blue. For nine months I was stuck on a couch.  I watched my life pass by without me even participating in it. I had to count on the goodness of others to take over my life and the responsibilities of being a mother and home-maker while I laid on the couch unable to move without searing pain. After 9 months I was diagnosed with a connective tissue disorder called Ehlers Danlos and told that there was no cure and no treatments. So we tried an assortment of medications, muscle relaxants, and braces which at least got me off the couch. The experts learned that the excruciating pain, blue limbs, and massive headaches were the result of multiple and constant dislocations and subluxations of my neck, spine, shoulders, knees, hips, and fingers. If a joint could flip out, it did. What I call my “full-body migraines” would sometimes end in hospitalizations with doctors freaking out that I had huge blockages in my arteries or veins, and then, like magic, these “life-threatening crises” would disappear once a body part would slide back into place.

 In the midst of all the fear and excruciating pain and uncertainty, my husband, friends, and family tried to make life bearable with their outpouring of spiritual and corporal works of mercy. Friends would come over and help with the kids and also some would read to me because reading myself would set off those horrific full-body migraines. It was at this time that I got to know a little about God’s Divine Mercy through hearing Sister Faustina’s words read to me from her diary. I had become interested in this Polish nun because of her connection to John Paul II. It was his love for his fellow country woman that made me want to know her story. Friends had also recommended Sister Faustina’s Diary to me because they knew that her holiness and virtue were due to the graces she received through her own suffering.

 So here I was in constant pain. I was terrified of what tomorrow would bring. I had absolutely no control of my life and didn’t even know when and what I could plan for the future. Sound familiar? I’m sure that many of you are feeling this now. I’d repeat the words over and over again, “Fear is useless, what is needed is trust!” but that didn’t help. No consolation at all. I was miserable!

 So, what did I do? I went straight to my favorite coping mechanisms, distraction and denial to save the day. I somehow convinced my husband that going on a 3–day family retreat to Camp Maria would be the perfect solution to all our problems. Our family had been part of an annual family retreat group for years. Bob and I felt that even though I was still in such a bad way, physically, it still might be of some good for our family to go. 

It wasn’t easy. I’ll be honest. I wouldn’t be able to participate in the activities, but I wanted to be there with my family. On the first morning of the retreat, I couldn’t even rouse up enough strength to make it to the dining hall for breakfast. So, Bob took the kids, and I laid on the couch on the front porch of our cabin and cried. And I prayed. And I cried some more. I directed my prayers to Jesus who was in the tabernacle of the chapel across the field. I prayed through the intercession of this wonderful and holy woman who believed in God’s Divine Mercy. I said, “Sister Faustina, I don’t understand why or how or what is really going on with my body, and I’m scared. I have NO peace. I need peace to keep going! I just want to understand what’s going on. I have no idea why I prayed the next prayer but I said, “But if Jesus doesn’t want me to understand, if He just wants me to trust, then please ask Him to send me peace because right now, I’m not feeling very peaceful.”  Within a few seconds, I felt like a white cloud of peace dropped on me— It was so unbelievable and different than anything I’ve ever felt before. No words can explain what I experienced.

“Oh, so Jesus doesn’t want me to understand. He wants me to trust.” And then it hit me – those words at the bottom of the Divine Mercy image, the ones that I never understood why they were painted there. Who puts words at the bottom of a beautiful portrait?! I’ve never understood that! A picture speaks a thousand words, right? You don’t write words on a portrait. There aren’t words on the bottom of the Mona Lisa or Van Gogh’s self-portrait. Look in the Portrait gallery in downtown DC. No Words!!! But Jesus wanted them there! – JESUS, I TRUST in YOU! And now I know why!!!

Those words, when believed – become LIFE CHANGING!!! For me…  After my “encounter with Sister Faustina and Jesus at Camp Maria, any time I’d get anxious about my body falling apart, I’d repeat over and over – trust! Trust!! TRUST!!! Until I believed it. That day, not only did I learn to put my faith and trust in the Lord, I also learned how much the saints like to intercede for us. So we need to get to know them. Hit them up for prayers, especially in these days that WE have no idea what the future holds!!! And I’ll be honest, I still get anxious sometimes. Heck, I’m a mom, we all get anxious. But now I go to my new coping mechanisms -the saints and TRUST!!!

Kimberly Hahn once said, “I don’t know the future. But I know the One Who knows the future. And I Trust Him.” That’s everything!

So to tie this up…

How does Trust and Mercy fit together, so much so that Jesus told Sister Faustina to have those words painted on the bottom of His Divine Mercy image?  

Trusting in His Mercy makes all the difference! For example, we just saw it in Holy Week, the difference between Judas who betrayed Christ, and Peter, who denied Him – The difference was Trust in His Mercy. Judas took his own life because He couldn’t believe that Jesus would forgive him. Judas didn’t trust in God’s mercy to forgive his sin of betrayal. But Peter, who sinned by denying Christ did believe and trusted in God’s forgiveness, and he begged for mercy, and Peter received such an outpouring of Divine Mercy, God’s forgiveness, that it changed him, made him an even better man.

Trusting in God changed me. God’s Divine Mercy changed and allowed Patrick and his wife Magda to extend the gift of forgiveness to one it would seem impossible to forgive. But they did forgive. Trusting because God is faithful, we can take Him at His Word.

So my question to you, to all is: Do we trust God? Do we believe that He forgives? Do we believe He loves us no matter what?  Do we believe that He is merciful? Do we really TRUST HIM? And if not, pray for the grace to believe. Pray for the grace to Trust. The psalmist says something like “It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in men. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes (Psalm 118). AND  ”Why are you cast down my soul? Why groan within me? Hope in God, I will praise Him still, my Savior and my God” (Ps 43), Do we really hope? Do we really trust? Only in God can we trust! We see those words on our money all the time, but do we believe them. Let those words trigger what we know is the truth.

I don’t know the future, but I know the one who knows the future. And in Him, I trust! Let’s TRUST HIM!!! Jesus, I TRUST in YOU!

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Click on http://www.stpatricksmd.org/wp/social-concerns/ for a link to the recorded Zoom event Tap Into Divine Mercy!  Unfortunately, about 2/3 of the recording of my talk didn’t make it to the recording but I would highly recommend that you listen to Patrick Petty’s powerful testimony! The last part of my talk follows Patrick’s.